Welcome 1st July - here we are meeting half way through the year - is there any updates? I ask myself, as it has been quite a few weeks since I wrote in my journal. I'm sure there are! The moment I take pen into my hand many reflections come to my mind.
I'm sitting pointed towards the garden, which makes me realise we made a lovely space here, with set of chairs and table, a swing, ice bath and fire pit for those colder evenings. With the grape tree growing and coming over the fence, to give us fruits later this year.
Sitting here in this reflection makes me appreciate what we made here. How much work and effort it took, but I realise that somehow when it's done we rarely find time to be proud of ourselves, to be thankful, appreciative and grateful for our efforts that led to this result. However, if we don't, how can we feel motivated to continue? How can we be dedicated towards bigger actions in the future?
In life we constantly meet thoughts that come to mind to stop us, keep us where we are: “I don't know if it's worth it. What if it's not the right choice? What if I fail?" the 'what if's' get in the way of our dreams and desires. But, we should be certain the results will be great, if the actions we do are right. At the end of the day… what if we win? Even if the results are not exactly what we initially thought, or hoped for - the results of our right actions are always worth the effort. 'The right action' doesn't necessary mean 'what causes pleasure', although in time we can learn to find joy and pleasure from doing them. It’s more about long term reward, instead of the temporary pleasure:
Consistency
Hard work
Self discipline
Authenticity
Kindness
I'm very proud and grateful for our journey. Me and Nathan are constantly growing, learning and changing. It seems quite strange when looking back at our life, what we have managed to accomplish in only 6 months. All the latest changes and choices really has been eye opening, and allowed me to find my way to rediscover my own potential and power that I have always had, but never seen or even acknowledged before. There is a great saying I saw some time ago: “The environment is more powerful than will” , and I can see that it is true.
If you plant a seed in the infertile ground, it won't sprout. The seed's will is to sprout, to grow, to flourish and grow big alongside other trees just like it. This is its only purpose and will. However, if the environment is wrong, the seed stays, simply as the seed it is, undeveloped and dormant. And this is exactly what happens with us. The seed has a potential to become the biggest oak tree there is, it has the power to go through fences, leaving them completely undisturbed, molding through the obstacles to carry on expanding, completely undisturbed by it. We have the same potential, this is the power we have. But, sometimes we look up to the wrong people, we listen to others advise, we let them disrespect us, and we disrespect ourselves. We take on the same beliefs, same habits and same limitations. Additionally, we don't want to disappoint those around us, because of imaginary illusion that we have to be a certain way, or we fear we won’t be loved if we change - and, we stop listening to our own heart. But in our case (humans) it’s not the environment we are put into, but the environment that we have created and continue to create for ourselves. The choices we make and how we choose to be in this environment. Which brings me to another saying which goes “Don't chase the butterfly, mend your garden and let the butterfly come to you.”
How do we create our environment? By the thoughts we are thinking, by the habits we cultivate and the choices we make every day. All of this created by our attitude, our personality - which is actually creating our personal-reality.
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But those thoughts, hey? Sometimes we don't know what to do and our mind gets confused. Like when our mind convince us to eat the ice cream, but then tells us we shouldn't have eaten the ice cream... How can we trust the mind when it’s so contradictory?
The most popular verse from Yoga Sutra is "Yogas Chitta Vritti Nirodah", which means: "yoga is the practice to stop modifications of the mind." It is about slowing down the mind to notice the spaces between each thoughts, bypassing the mind, not getting caught up in its whirlwinds of “do it; no, don’t do it; do it; ah, you shouldn’t have done that!”.
It is a practice to commit to, a skill to obtain. This is why yoga is a practice - we practice determined to get better at it. To get better at life.
I recently found a little gem in Yoga Sutras, aiming to help calm those thoughts, slow them down so we can see and hear between the gaps for other options of action. Gaps that allow us to hear our own voice. The voice that makes us realise, we always have a choice. This is presented in the 4 locks and 4 keys, and the translation reads:
"By cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and equanimity toward the non-virtuous, the mind-stuff retains its undisturbed calmness.”
Here, Patanjali is giving us attitudes to cultivate, rather actions to take. We focus on how our heart approaches a situation, rather distractions and judgements of our ever-changing mind. I found these 4 keys and 4 locks interesting and I can see how they play in life and the importance of cultivating them. So let's expand on this...
4 Keys & 4 Locks to a happy life
1st Key & Lock: Cultivate friendliness to happy
This one seem easy enough? Of course we are friendly to happy moments, happy people and our own happiness. We love it! Right?
But we are faced with many different situations in life. Sometimes another happiness, or success remind us of our own failures or unfulfilled desires. For example, when walking down the street, we might encounter a stranger smiling, whistling and even singing with joy and complete freedom. We have a choice to extend this positive joyful attitude, by smiling back, taking on this happiness onto ourselves and greet the stranger's happiness with friendliness.
However, what if in this moment the person's happiness triggers a sense of comparison in me, that I am not that happy. I can just hear the vrittis (modifications of the mind), "What is he so happy about? Did he win some money?", or go into judgements: "How can he behave this way, so inappropriate", "How is he so free, not worried about anyone else watching?", "I wish I was this happy, what’s wrong with me?". It is easy to see how quickly the mind can spin into a whirlwind of stories! And imagine if you're angry in this moment, this might really really irritate, by reflecting the parts we crave for, but don't feel in this moment.
However, if we take on this principle, notice our initial reaction and respond with friendliness instead, a smile might break the agitated thoughts, and the body reading a signal of happiness suddenly calms the mind and experiences joy, joining a fellow human in a happy feeling.
2nd Key & Lock: Cultivate compassion to unhappy
Compassion is being able to see ourselves in the other's shoes in empathy, not pity, judgement or resentment. Realising that the same hardship could have happened to us, and create a space without the need to fix the problem for them.
Sometimes the unhappiness of others feel like a burden. We might easily become impatient, even annoyed at the person keep making the same mistake. But, the key here is being able to create safe space to feel the feelings, without the need to explain, water it down, distract or find solutions for that person. Simply being alongside the person, allowing the other to be vulnerable and find their own answers.
"We develop compassion by recalling acts of kindness that have benefited us while remembering the pain, alienation, despair and confusion caused by suffering." In the name of compassion there are times when the appropriate response is to deliver a strong piece of advice that is difficult to hear. However, all actions should come from place of caring and loving.
3rd Key & Lock: Cultivate delight in virtues
To be virtues means to have or show high moral standards. If we see people performing good deeds, instead of being cynical about them, we should honour this with delight. However, the life is like a mirror, and situations like this often reflect our darker voices inside of us, we can often criticise noble people, feel envy or suspicion about their intentions. We might even question their motives, make fun of, or seek wrongdoings in their actions to justify our suspicions. But, instead: "we should cultivate the habit of celebrating virtues wherever we recognise them. The more we rejoice in them, the sooner they will be ours."
4th Key & Lock: Cultivate equanimity towards non-virtues
This is the ability to clearly see the nature of the bad behaviour through close and unbiased examination. Even though anger often feels justified and seems like the best way to correct injustice - sutra says this is not the right attitude to have. Why? Because anger causes great harm. Not only it doesn't help the situation, it can cause internal changes as well as exaggerate the situation for the worse.
Our anger:
Deprives us of peace and calm mind
Weakens us physically
Destroys all creativity. Which means better ways of approaching the situation are often missed.
Every act of anger creates reaction - continued anger will create a habit, habit will create a character and we are in danger of becoming bitter people.
Our anger hurts us first.
Instead we can try to understand why people do the things they do - what in their past could make them behave in such way? Maybe they were once abused and now operate from their own fear. Maybe they are overcompensating for a lack of self-love. When we look inside ourselves we will see that we also behaved in less than ideal way in the past, and majority of the times it's not the situation itself that causes our over-reaction, but the memory of the past.
It does not mean we should ignore a bad behaviour, but instead we should respond from a place of calm, without anger or judgement. Yoga sutra encourages us to accept people as they are, and not internalise their behaviour. We don't need anger to motivate us to do what's right. We can act from higher motives and respond with clarity of mind.
This is a reminder that we can't control other people, we can't make them understand when they are doing bad, hurtful things, or change their circumstances for them. But, with these teachings we can protect our inner harmony regardless of external circumstances, and gain control of ourselves, our emotions and our state of mind.
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These guidelines are not only about how to treat others, but how to treat ourselves. What we experience outside is the reflection of what is happening inside. So remember to be friendly to your own happiness. Be compassionate about your own sadness and misfortune. Be delighted about your successes, good deeds and moral codes. And find calmness, forgiveness and deep reasons for your own actions.
If you would like to read Yoga Sutras, here I share the link to a free PDF where you can find more gems and wisdom of yoga.
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So, today, half way through the year I'm meeting myself full of love, gratitude and surrender to what is. Why? Because since I allowed myself to stop fighting the situations in my life, and forcing what I think I want and what I think is meant to happen for me, and instead allowed myself to float on the rough waters, I came so far. It has only been 2 years, yet it feels like I'm living in a different lifetime now. Still continuing to evolve as the best I can to extend my true potential - which has no limits, but it is a journey. A journey of "what's right", a connection with others, building knowledge and wealth (well & healthy), and living in full authenticity and truth. This is my plan for the 2nd half on 2024.
With warmest blessings,
Sylwia xx
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